I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize