yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
