I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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