ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A+ Viking dick
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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