so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
