you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
