dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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