at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
