these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
