And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
