Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
