Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
