Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
