Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
