Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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