Screwed.edu
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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