Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
