I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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