I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's Friday. Sex?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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