Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
