Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
