Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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