the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
