Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
