Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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