she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
