Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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