Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
