i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
