If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
