I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
