I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
