If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
