I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i believe in u and ur pee
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
