How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
