i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
