Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
