People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize