So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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