i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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