i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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