can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
