Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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