Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
