you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
