i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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