very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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