Pants 0. Shit 1.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
