Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
