Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
