listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
