for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
