8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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