I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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