forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
