I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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