If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
