I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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