I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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