This is not my ceiling
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
