My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
