I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Randomize
