So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
