i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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