you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
