Redeem this text for a blowjob
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
