All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
