i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We have so much sex to catch up on
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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