she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
