I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
