The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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