Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
