Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
