apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
