I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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