I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
