My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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