Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
