Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
