How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
