If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize