my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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