Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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