whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
