Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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