i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
