My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
