You're so nebulous sometimes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
