He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
