and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
