The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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