dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
